Writing Myself Thin

Bring it on - Decorating Magazine Wars!

Post # 197 April 5, 2012

The gloves are off in the Canadian decorating magazine wars! Anyone who knows me knows I am a decorating magazine addict - at the height of my addiction I was purchasing a dozen decorating mags a month....and saving them. My first purge came when I moved in with soon-to-be husband. He said he would take me, but not my decorating magazines, my decorator pillows or my Kenny G CD's. I happily got rid of all of them.

A few years later I was back at my magazine  habit (I do want to confirm that Kenny G is gone forever) but one renovation too many and I dropped them all in favour of lifestyle mags like Oprah and Chatelaine...and my number magazine that I subscribed to but never read - Yoga Journal.

But even after giving most of them up, I still subscribed to Canada's two decorating mags, Canadian House and Home - Canada's version of House Beautiful...and Style at Home, it's cozier sister. I loved the editor of Canadian House and Home, Cobi Ladner and the style she brought to the mag - very accessible, very Canadian....I always read her editor's message before I looked at anything else in the mag - I loved her stories about her, her huband Bob and the kids...and all her decorating issues, like the time she had to give up her gift wrapping room when she had a second baby, and when she tried to turn a corner of her living room into a home office (I still wish I had that issue) and when they moved to a new house and photos of all the renos she did....I really liked her and I thought she did an amazing job on the mag. and then she was gone - no good-byes, no explanation - just gone - to be replaced by my least favourite decorating personality Suzanne Dimma. Thin lipped, skinny hipped, pinched looking Suzanne Dimma - you could tell by looking at her she was no girlfriend. and in no time the mag went from Canadian accessible to all white, all mod, all stainless, all loft all the time. which is fine is small doses but not my taste. So, for the first time in 18 years I let my subscription lapse. I complained bitterly to all my friends (who agreed that Suzanne was no girlfriend) and I moved on.

Then Style at Home, the poor cousin to Canadian House and Home got a new editor, Erin McLaughlin - now I was not a fan originally....Erin had a checkered background editing several Canadian lifestyle publications and I wasn't sure she was up to the challenge, but after a shaky start I was onside. I liked her personal style - a bit horsy, a bit hip-y and not too perfect - I loved the fact that she confessed that when she and her new husband eloped to New York she was too fat to get into the dress she bought to be married in and had to fall back on an old stand-by. She chats about her life, her new step-children and her renovations....and the fact that her husband couldn't care less. So different from La Suzanne (but I imagine that's the strategy).

So I was thrilled to see that Style at Home is really taking on House and Home by upgrading the size and style of their magazine - now they are going head-to-head. And for me, Style at Home with it's accessible style and lack of Linda Reeves (the too-much-to-take rich lady publisher of CHH) is the clear winner. I laughed this week when they both arrived, looking very much like each other - see above images (aren't there spies in magazine world to warn against things like this?) and a desperate plea letter from CHH to renew my subscription at never-before-seen prices.

I know this is all blah-blah-blah in the scheme of things but I do love a good fight...and all's fair in love and publishing.

 

 

 

 

what to say....what to say...

Post #196 - March 27, 2012

I was sitting here tonight thinking about and discarding ideas for my blog when I realized that I have fallen into that deadly/deadend trap - worrying about what other people think about what I'm saying on my blog - so  I don't say anything at all

I would love to write about parenting my teen (let's face it, I could start a blog just about him and post daily without ever running out of things to say)  - but I worry about damaging his self-esteem/psyche and possibly his street cred.

I would love to write long snarky/cranky posts about work/work-life but I did get some feedback about how whiny my posts were - a couple of friends chided me for my negativity/lack of gratitude and now all I hear are their voices in my head.

The reality is that I have never been a "glass half-full" person, never the shining light of positivity or someone to always look on the bright side.

My glass has always been "half empty" and that's the way  I like it. Cynicism or sarcasm, it's all the same to me. I like life with an edge and lots of irony.

What's a girl to do? Listen to those voices and write (or not) accordingly ....or just say what I want to say and let people scoff/be miffed/unsubscribe. 

So while my teen will continue to be off limits (at least until he is old enough to not care or I've saved enough money for his psychotherapy later) I'm going to write about whatever springs to mind and not do so much self-editing.

And after all, I may be a glass half-empty person ....but I always have the option of filling it up myself from the wine bottle in the fridge.

Do you want fries with that?

Post # 195 March 8, 2012

I am enjoying my new job for the most part REALLY! I like the fact that I have a job... and a place to go and a pay cheque. But as I mentioned, this job is junior to what I have been doing for the past twenty-five years (I haven't had coordinator in my title since 1987) and I have to say, the un-learning curve is steep.

 Not that the work is hard, just that it's different - I'm mailing stuff instead of writing it, I'm updating lists instead of delegating them and I'm answering phones while people are in meetings instead of well, going to meetings. 

 I mean, there's a lot to be said for having a job that's not stressful and parts of it are still mildly interesting but it sure feels ....tedious. and of course I'm really trying to be the helpful admin type - that's why I'm here so that's what I'll do, but it doesn't come naturally.

 Today one of my co-workers was busily telling me she really wanted some office supplies and she had a list started and so I said OK great, I don't really need anything but thanks for asking me...dead silence as she stood at my desk with her list in her hand and then I got it. I'M THE ONE who is supposed to order the supplies. oh.

 Tomorrow they are going to show me how to deal with the invoices. sigh.

 The days go by quickly although I feel brain dead by 3 PM (see previous post about napping) and I spend the last part of the day limping along. I sneak in a look at my gmail....I google aimlessly...I organize my inbox...again. 

 It's not that the job is beneath me, I think it's just that I'm past being that helpful, supportive office keener who is always willing to cheerfully do whatever it takes to make the lives of her co-workers just a little bit brighter and their load a little bit lighter.

I want to go back to being a bitchy drama queen who tells other people what to do (maybe I was no Meryl Streep in Devil Wears Prada but I do like to be the teller, not the tellee).

and I can hear people now "she should be grateful to have a job...in this economy...at her age...in this market." and yes, I get it and I am grateful But forgive if I feel a bit resentful that after working for twenty-five plus years, I am back at square one.

It does make me even more committed to making my freelance writing business work - I want to be in control of my destiny - to be the worker AND the boss...of course then I will have to deal with clients, but that's another story.

and in the meantime, can I get you some paperclips with your message?

back to work....again

Post #194 March 2, 2012 - OK so maybe it hasn't been as long as it has been for Melanie Griffiths in Working Girl since I worked in an office, but it's been a while (note the cigarette smoking at her desk, ah... the good old days).

Yesterday was my first day in my contract job and I have to say that by the end of the day, I was as tired as I was after giving birth. I was so tired I had to take the bus home (2 bus stops) and once I sat down on my couch I couldn't get up (except to get more wine). I was so tired I couldn't speak. and that's saying something for me.

It was a good start...the main thing is that I really like the women I'm working with and enjoy being there.

Is it hard to be in a junior position? yes. I will be answering phones and instead of writing media releases, I'm the person sending them out. I am organizing lists and files instead of delegating it. But it's a new industry for me with a HUGE learning curve so actually it's a great opportunity to learn the ropes.

and I love that it's all women with little hierarchy and everyone has been so welcoming...not to be mean, but what a difference from the last group of men I worked with. Although my new director swears likes a trooper ...and with issues coming at us all day long, it's no wonder.

Yesterday, first day, was tough. Not only was it tiring but I felt really unsure of my place. Today was  better - I actually got to do stuff. I don't know, maybe we should all revist our roots every twenty years or so - makes us humble.

I can see that it's going to leave me with the time and energy to do my own writing projects, which is a good thing...I just hope I don't get confused about what I'm working on....that could be really really ugly - pork? boomers? beef? food festivals? middle - aged women? yikes .....

As far as work goes, it's a big hurdle to figure out things like what people do about coffee and lunch and where the bathroom is. I felt very successful that I was able to navigate some of these things today without having to ask for help -  I felt more like a working girl..um...woman.

So am I happy? yes. Am I tired? yes. Is it going to work? I think so.

me and Melanie, we can do it all.

DAVY JONES IS DEAD...and other things I learned on ET

Blog Post # 193 February 29, 2012

Davy Jones of the Monkees passed away today, apparently of a sudden heart attack. Boy, this news hit me hard.

The Monkees were on TV when I was between the ages of 8 and 10,  oh such formative years....my friend Wendy liked Peter, but I think she just wanted to be different - let's face it, all the girls LOVED Davy.

He still looked good for his age (mid 60's) and was still performing with the Monkees (with Peter and Mickey, no Michael). To tell the truth, I hadn't thought about him for years, but it all came rushing back when I saw the news tonight. He was my first crush, the first time I thought of a BOY (in capital letters). We would play "pop star girlfriend"...pretending what it might be like to be dating such a glorious guy. Of course, we only knew the TV show Davy, I have no idea at all what he was like in real life. He played the drums, had an English accent and the cutest hair cut, that's all I needed.

So, farewell to Davy, the Daydream Believer and thank you for being such a sweet and innocent introduction into the world of love for pre-teen girls everywhere.

On another note, I heard the news on ET. Now, I almost never watch ET - we generally switch the TV as soon as the 6 PM news is over - in fact, the ET theme song is a signal for whoever is closest to the remote to switch the channel as quickly as possible. But I wasn't fast enough today and Davy was the lead story so I sat down to watch the sad news. But there was so much more. and like a car wreck, I couldn't look away.

There was the segment on how to get Angelina's look from the Oscar's (all about THE LEG), more Oscar coverage (why was Tom Cruise in every photo?) and an extensive look at Oprah's special with Paula Deane. hmmmm. Poor Paula was agoraphobic - is that why she turned to cooking? and a tour of her mansion, including lengthy coverage of Oprah, wearing pj's riding in a parachute thing-y in Paula's backyard. It was a slumber party so Paula, Oprah and Gayle were all in PJ's. You know, this was not a good look. I hate to bring this up, but is Oprah trying too hard? and why so much air time? Oprah,pleeze do not wear pj's on TV again - ever.

There were lots of other bits and pieces - nasty gossip about Bobbi Kristina, TV show updates, previews of what was coming on the next ET show, who had a baby, is Ashton Kucher in love, is George Clooney gay, is Angelina too thin, is Snooky pregnant (really? this makes the news?)

shudder. Where's Mary Hart when you really need her.

Confessions of a Napper

Post # 192 February 22, 2012

Announcement! for those of you following my blog you know I have been looking for a job - well, I'm happy to announce that I have accepted a position that starts March 1st. It is a short-term contract in a junior position but it's work in the industry I want to be in...and it will be a nice transition for me as I adapt to working in an office again.

You see, I have worked from a home office for the past seven years. The organization I worked for was based out of Calgary and I travelled for meetings and trade shows but basically, I spent my days at a desk in my living room (and later a converted attic)....but that's not the issue. The issue is...what do I do about my afternoon nap?

I have always been a napper and I come from a long line of nappers - my Nana always had a little lie-down on the couch for a half hour before her program (The Edge of Night) came on at 3 PM. My husband is a champion napper (he works late nights so needs a long nap during the day - and DO NOT get in the way of his afternoon shut eye). I started with weekend naps in  my 20's - a little lie-down for an hour on Saturdays to get rested up for Saturday night dancing....or a little "recovery" nap on Sunday afternoons.

When I first started working from a home office I worked religiously from 830 - 4 PM...then a few years back my health wasn't great and I found myself working through lunch and then having a little lie-down on the couch for a half hour in the afternoon. Well, what can I say....it has become a habit. Regardless of where I am, or what I'm doing I really need to close my eyes for a half hour mid- afternoon. It really makes a difference - I wake up refreshed and ready to go for the rest of day.

Not to makes excuses, but studies have shown that a short nap in the afternoon increases productivity and some more forward-thinking employers have created nap spaces for employees to use for (very short) naps. In fact, the organization I will be joining offers such a option ...but I understand there is a huge line-up to use it.

So, although I am thrilled to have a job...I am very worried about how I'm going to adapt to it - can I stay awake all day? or maybe I can work out a system like George Costanza (of Seinfeld). George had a nap space built under his desk, including a little shelf for alarm clock....see image above. He even left a fake steaming cup of coffee on his desk so it looked like he had just stepped away...but in true George fashion it did not end well. and given that I will be working in an open area (no offices for anyone)...it will be hard to hide (not to mention hard to hide the sound of my snoring).

This is just one of the many issues I will be dealing with as I head back to the working world - no more conference calls in pj's...no more lunchtime naps....no more grocery shopping on Wednesday afternoons...no more ignoring people until I've had my first cup of coffee. gulp.

maybe I can come home for lunch....and sneak in a nap.

Yellow Dawg Web Design is yella'

Blog # 190 Feb. 20, 2012

Oh the humilation - to be taken in by a photo of a cute dog.

Last fall I was shopping around for help to set up a website to promote my freelance writing....I'm on a tight budget so I decided a one-man operation in our small town was the way to go. After much googling I found James Manke of Yellow Dawg Web Design....and after several email exchanges in December, agreed to a price, signed a contract and mailed him a cheque. and guess what - nothing happened. I kept emailing and finally he sent me a link to a wordpress site and told me to chose a template. I had no idea what to chose and kept emailing him for advice. nothing. Finally picked one with the help of a more tech-savvy friend and sent my choice to him with the direction to get going. nothing. and then nothing and nothing and finally. nothing. Sigh.

So I sent off a final email cancelling our contract and asking for my money back and guess what....nothing.

I finally went online and dig some digging and sure enough, I found several recent reviews from unhappy clients who had the same experience - money paid out but no services rendered. Let's face it, it's buyer beware and the internet is a scary place - I only lost a small amount compared to some who lost in the $1000's but still, it disheartening to be so cheated....and so gullible.

I was fooled by his lovely yellow dog image on his website banner (above) and thought anyone who named their site after (what I assumed was) a beloved pet must be a good guy. Reader, I was wrong.

Anyway, I have moved on and found a legit person to help me (thank you Dustin and Kim) and I will write off my loss and be glad it wasn't more and that I didn't waste anymore time on Yellow Dawg Web Design. We have his address (at least the address of where I mailed the cheque) and my husband wants to go knock on his door and encourage him to pay me back, but I prefer to "let sleeping (or should I say cheating) dogs lie. As I'm always saying, I'm a big believer in karma and I know that James will get what he deserves.

Perhaps he will get bitten in the ass by a big yellow dawg.

 

"evry girl's lookin' for a sharp dressed man"

Post #189 February 15, 2012

An observation today.

I was at our local shopping centre (my daily visit) when I spotted a very well-dressed woman. She was wearing a stunning suit, very European and well-fitted....with slits in all the right places. Pale hose and kick-ass statement shoes. She looked amazing - and completely out of place.

That's when I realized that nobody here dresses up. You never see (at least I don't) well dressed, high fashion here in sleepy Victoria - there is nothing like the glimpse of a good-looking man turned out in a beautifully tailored suit or a woman wearing something stunning. And you just don't see that here.

The clothing choice is fleece. Everyone here dresses for comfort, not speed (myself included - really, what right does a woman who lives in yoga pants have to complain?).

I'm not criticizing...just making an observation about yet another change of scenery that comes from living in a small town.

At least I don't feel intimidated when I venture out...in my yoga pants.

and I want to take a poll - do you feel discriminated against when  you don't bring a bag to the grocery store? when you say yes to plastic or paper instead of whipping out those nasty fabric shopping bags? I live in a place where saving the environment is a religion. Some days I find myself standing at the check-out making up long involved stories about how my beloved shopping bags were ripped out my hand by a mad dog...or used in a bank hold-up ...to explain my lack of caring. sigh.

I need to stop going to the shopping centre so often in order to avoid being irritated...but then what would I talk about?

 

 

A Different POV

 

 

 

Blog post #188 February 14th

 

 

Happy Valentines Day - as an old married lady, this holiday goes by without much fuss (although my husband did present me with flowers this morning... and my teen seemed a bit twitchy about the day) ....but for me and the rest of my pals, it's a non-event.

 

I did get a few emails in response to my post yesterday and I wanted to share one - a very different point of view from my friend Peter who prides himself on his realism....here's what he had to say:

 

" NOW you’re talking, Susan! However, don’t believe that spiritual gibberish that things happen for a reason other than a causal reason. The fact is, things happen. Because they happen you are often forced to change direction and your natural inclinations, talents, and preferences will shape the direction you take as a result of whatever “thing” happens. It is an active process, not a passive one, although in the early stages it may be subconscious. There is no grand plan that Susan is to become a writer so let’s get her fired in order to push her in that direction. Susan will become a writer because that is her passion and she is beginning to realize that the unexpected change to her circumstances may be an opportunity to follow her dream."

I loved Peter's decidedly different point of view (for more of his very direct opinions, go to his blog at http://www.peterkiidumae.com/blog.php?XYZ=1361 )

I guess this is more along the line of taking responsibility for your life as opposed to leaving things up to a mystical force. Either way, it's working.

That's all for today, just another point of view.

Everything happens for a reason....why?

Blog #186 - February 13, 2012 - I was having lunch with an acquintance last week, a mid-life woman also looking for a job (she's been out of work for a year) and I was trying to be supportive while only half-listening ....too much on my mind these days... so I started spouting off my favourite platitude "Everything happens for a reason" followed by "don't worry, it will all make sense when it all comes together"...yada yada yada. and then I put the whole thing out of my mind.

Then on the weekend, I get my daily email from Kabbalah (I know I know, it's been Madonna-ized but I still like many of the ideas and sentiments) and here's what it said:

It is a common spiritual law that everything happens for a reason. It’s a tough pill to swallow sometimes. The reasons are not always clear, but the events of our lives appear because we deserve them and because they are designed to help us to transform and grow; and transformation brings us closer to a connection with the Light…

Now is that not an amazing coincidence...24 hours after I was prattling away, this comes and smacks me in the head, making me really think about what it means.

And while I completely agree with this sentiment (it is the only belief that saves me during the dark days) I do wonder WHY WHY WHY can't we just get a free pass sometimes? WHY can't it just be easy once in a while? why is it that which does not kill us makes us stronger - maybe once in a while we could take a shortcut -  win the lottery, or inherit from a unknown relative, or get a non-life threatening illness that causes a 50 lbs  weight loss that will never come back (wait, that could be a tapeworm) or have a child who voluntarily does his homework.

I mean, I don't want to sound whiny or ungrateful and I appreciate that we all need to struggle a little in order to grow and live life to the fullest but some days I think "oh... come... on... already".

Anyway, the point being is that I get it and that quote arrived in an exclamation point of time - everything does happen for a reason and sometimes we are pushed in a direction that can't be denied and we need to go with it instead of fighting it.

I have to say that since I stopped fighting against the possibility of making money writing, work has started coming my way. A couple of big freelance jobs from ex-collegues who have started their own businesses...a request for an article from an industry publication, and a friend sent me a link today from a listing on craigslist to submit stories for a mature adult publication - I thought it must be porn  but no, it's a new magazine for boomers and seniors and while I still consider myself a youthful person, I'm sure I can write for that audience hahahahah. Still waiting to hear back on that one. So all this and my weekly online column (for which I am paid, a paltry amount but still paid).

and I applied to and was accepted by the Professional Writers Association of Canada so I guess it's official - I'm a pro. Now if I could just come up with an idea for a novel....